...Of Times This day is full of wrath and anger....
In the morning hath I awaken to the sound of technology.
The mould of the modern world encompassses me left right up down.
I struggle to build from within my self worth, to see the day as a new beginning.
My mind floating in euphoria from the night's dream.
The cursed society opens its cruel jaws to devour me.
I cannot resist, i yearn to break free
Yet i must let it feed on me for my survival depends on it.
This is the day where its teeth glistens with glee.
I will succumb, no doubt.
Dawn had not risen though i must.
The cold dark floor burns deep into my skin's crust.
At seven i must be at my second home.
This place was it to be but not my own.
The pressure it brings itself upon me.
Why does it i do not know.
in the past it came i could not fight.
Each and everyday it becomes my blight.
DAMN IT DAMN IT Why do you bother me?
I have no quarrel with you!!
Did my actions bring forth your birth?
Was it nature's call that i feel your pain?
I have refrained from so much.
Leave me right now leave me to my dust.....
10:07 PM
Saturday, August 16, 2003
Brain FREEZEEE
Wow i feel like crap today... so moist and slimy, squeshy and doughy. This has probably been the worst week ever. HAven't done a morning shift in such a long time my whole bio colock's been screwed up.
Damn those people who worked shift for a long time deserve my respect man. I feel so worn out, so tired, plus this nagging pain in my lower right jaw and gums after its long battle with the machines, i've become a drained man. Goin to work took hell of a lot more effort. Damn why can't i get a week's MC!!!?!?!!
Argh. Everytime i get home i feel so lethargic, so lifeless. DAmn it.. its not a way to live!!!! I've decided to make better use of my life, gotta live it up I'm young only once!!! But then, maybe i passed that phase, the young phase. Yeah that phase when i felt so alive and well, without a care in the world. When all i had to do was cry and i'd be fed. When i cried my diappies would be changed, when i cried ppl would come running to me. Damn i missed those times. I WANNA GO BACK!!!!!!
Be strong! its over, its time to face the future. You gotta put the past where it is, behind you. There will come a time when you'd have to be the one who'd go running to feed, to change the diappies. THe tables have turned my friend. What the hell are you doing at home on a SAturday!!! WHy WHY WHY??!?!
Is it because your brain is contracting? Is it because your muscles are so tensed and worn? Tanya Chua's on the TV now, singing," I think it's time, somethings should change, it doesn't have to be that way."
Is this a sign? Yes? No? Maybe? I'm facing a critical life decision here, and she has to come out singing this?!??I had chicken rice for dinner, and this song's the theme for chicken rice war. Extreme Make Over comes on after Wrestling. Wrestling..... struggling to win. DO i still have to struggle? Exteme Make Over.. do i need one for my life now? Everything points to CHANGE!!! I need to stop drinking form plastic bottles. I need to go back to the gym. I need to get back my beautiful body. I need to put on the weight i lost. I need to study and get the papers. I need to get rid of my braces. I need to sleep more. I need money. I need a car++chauffeur.
Need need need. Do we need everything we "need"? I want this i want that. Want want want. The News has mad women rushing to get cheap wedding dresses, and singaporeans women go to get sized out. The men don't get it.
9:40 PM
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
The Pain Still Resides
Damn... my jaw feels like crap this morning..... Came to work like 7 a.m. Man who works at 7 a.m???
Freaks like me for one...
Ma gums feel weird... It doesn't just hurt, it itches too... shit wat if i got infected already?? In fact the whole lower right jaw itches. Great just great.... Pain killers aren't enough.. Now i need Itch Killers.
Eyes so heavy, slept so lately, Freaking Zip Disk kept me awake all night. Making lots of noises while formatting, Crap Zip disks sucks. So much data lost cause of its Cyclic Redundancy Checks errors. Wat the fi-uck.
Do u believe it??!!?? Working and I'm writing this Blog at the same time... What the hell are they paying u boy!!!!
Damn gotta go ... been seen by my supervisor typing this shit. Adios. May the Force be with You...
9:48 AM
Tuesday, August 12, 2003
The First Chapter: pAin Haeth Arrived
Welcome my fellow demented personas....
This is the first freaking time i have attempted to write something in a long time and i guess i should continue to..
to bring my existence into the light.
Been through a torturous time yesterday....
Saw the cold metal hands grab, pull and twist the very fabrics of my veins and tear from me a vital part of my life..
As i sat there useless, and contemplating its next move, the cold air breathed on my face, enhancing the dreagery of spending an hour of my precious existence in that claustrophobic room.
The pain.. it seeks me. it's jaws filling with saliva to digest anything that should unfortunately fall in like a Venus Fly Trap screaming to swallow..
Two straight pins invaded my thinly sensitive skin... sending volumes of chemical surging into my flesh. My mind exploded with rage... knowing that a certain part of me would leave me soon, torn from its home from where it spent its last 26 years of bliss..
Why must i subject myself to this torture? To have a precious part of me ripped like it did not matter? Its DNA is mine, its me. But another part of me coaxed my spirit to let it go... to see the future... to know what's best.
What's best? Do i know what's best for me? Do i know that what i decide now will do me good next time? What is decision? To plan for my life not knowing if it would really do me good? What about this decision now? To suffer presently to enjoy the future? Or would i suffer now and suffer later?
You tell me... Has everything u planned come to naught or has it bore fruits? DOes Free will encompass our life, our ideals? OR has it brought our downfall? Does my future really belong to me? Or does it belong to another enitity? What does Decisions have to do with my Freaking Dental appointment??? Everything.
To be Continued..
6:08 PM
In the Beginning
Testing here, Don't worry, I'll bring it up ASAP...
