I have come to the self-realization, that i am a very emotional person. I realized, looking back at my past relationships, i seem to give my heart away too fast. Yes, thats right, whenever i'm in a relationship, or feel that i like the person, i just end up giving everything to her. Is that a mistake? I guess so. I guess, people like me always end up at the losing end.
What makes me so? Am i so involved in finding the right one that i keep hoping that the one i'm with is .. the One? What are my priorities? People who seem to live the fast life, the players, look happy, look to enjoy their lifestyle. Maybe, i'm just unlucky? Maybe not fated? Oh how i envy those who meet their near-perfect match. Of course not everyone's a perfect match, but i learnt that with timing, and chance.. practically half the battle is won. I don't have the timing, nor the chance like others do.
Maybe i just lack the guts, lack the courage like others have. Maybe i have to be strong, to be ruthless? Nuh, thats not me, I just happen to be a softie, somebody who cries at emotional scenes, who likes romance movies. Yeah.. i think i'm officially going into softie land. But can i change that? Can i be a macho, no holds barred ruthless person who can cut relationships off just like that? Can i harden my heart, to prevent it from being hurt, from others, and even myself?
That leaves much to be seen. Spent almost 2 hours, just sitting at Raffles City, looking at people walking by, looking at couples, and their happy faces. Wondering.. are they really happy? Listening to sweet music on my mp3. Taking those lyrics, those words, and seeing how much they apply in my life, my experiences.
Maybe, i pin too much hope on those that i like. Those whom i feel, i can get along with, those whom i am physically attracted to, those who can share with me. Whenever a person presents all these traits and qualities, i find myself fallin. Falling at an incredible rate, a rate of which is not to my advantage. A rate at which if it continues to keep up, will cause me unbearable amounts of pain and suffering. To be played isn't a good feeling. But that is my weakness.
What doesn't kill u, makes u stronger. Well, this doesn't kill me... but with every one, i grow weaker......
